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Funny Voicemails

funny voicemails

Are you looking for something to stir things up a bit?

Funny voice mail messages are an excellent alternative for people that are looking for that unique touch for something that seems really mundane. If you're having trouble coming up with your own then you can check out some of the funny voice mail messages below. If you've got your own creative voicemail greeting, feel free to submit yours today!

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List of the World's Funniest Voicemail Greetings:

You have reached the number you most recently dialed.

Hello, if you're hearing this, that means I'm probably trying to avoid you, so don't leave a message, 'cause nobody likes you.

You have reached this mailbox by mistake. Check the Number and call back!

Who is this?! How did you get this number?!

these are awsome

Hello? ... Yea ... Uh huh ... Yea ... No, you stop yelling at me ... Oh, you're yelling alright ... you know what, I'm hanging up ... yes, I am ... (Beep)

(To the tune of live while we're young)
Hey it's crazy crazy crazy that I've missed your call
Don't know why I bother with this phone at all
Just leave your name and number and a reason too
And I'll try my best... To get back to you...

Okay this is awesome for people with friends who don't know about HumorHotlines, or RejectionHotline. First things first: tell your friends you changed your number. Second: go to and... its pretty much self explanitory...

Okay if this is any of my weirdo friends, then I am sorry I did not give you my new number. So here it is: (say your number) and again that number is (say your number). So call me.

Hi! It's [Your Name Here]! Let's Meet Up! I'm Close!!!(make running sounds then cut off).

My nephew's landlord must have heard every excuse possible for late rent. Her message says
"Whatever unfortunate chain of events has led you to call my number this time! Leave your story here and I'll call when I can."

I'm glad ya called, but I'm not home, but I'll be back before too long. You gotta wait for the beep, you gotta leave your name, you gotta leave your number, wait for the beep! *BEEP*

Hi, you have reached (names) voicemail. If you want money or to sell us something, we a) gave at the office, b) already have it, or c) don't want it. If you are a friend, trying to give us money or just want to talk, then leave a message or try my cell phone number.

No one answers phone calls anymore, send me a text.

(sing to call me maybe)
Hey i missed your call
i hope you arent crazy
but leave your name
i will call you maybe

Hey its (name) call me back asap. im out and i couldnt get to the phone. Im sorry and i promise i will do anything i can to call u back.

Hello... hey its you... i have not talked to you you in a while... i have a secret to tell you... leave a mesage or you will haave bad luck

I don't know who you are, and I don't know what you want. But you can tell me all of that in the message you leave me.

Hello? Oh hey wait a minute I cant hear you. Sorry hold on. Nope, still cant here you. You want to know why, because I am not here right now so leave a message at the beep.

Hey(small silence) what's up(small silence) sorry I can't get to the phone right now butt leave a message and ill get back to u in like a year bi

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Hello? (Pause) You're still talking!? Shut the $%&@ up! BEEP.

HAAHAHAHAHA! i changed my voicemail to the one that is like:

(rhythem to live while were young)
hey its crazy crazy crazy that ive missed your call,
dont know why i even bother with this phone at all
just leave your name and number and a reason to!
ill try my best.. to get back to you!!

hahaha i love that 1!

Hello? Pause....Hello? Pause.....hello? Hey, who is this? Pause.....I think weve got a bad connection, can you speak up? Pause.....All right, I think u should probably just leave your name and number at the tone!

Hey, im not in right now, please leave a message after the tone, but not before because then the message gets cut off <really really long beep that goes for about 1 minute>

Hey! It's (YOUR NAME HERE). So, haha funny story, my phone and I are playing hide and's winning. I'll call you back as soon as I find it. . Hey before you leave that message do you want to know something about me, I love jokes. You want to know something I hate? I hate long messages, so why don't you leave a short one and I'll get back to you. If you leave a long one don't count on it.

*rap it in the Mc Donalds Big mac song*
buh chick, buh buh chick, hey you've reached (your name) and i cant get to the phone so please leave a message after the tone (short silence) and dont forget the fries crispy

"Hey.....okay wait lemme put u on speaker...kay, so wat?..wat? UGH can u just leave me a message?! Thanks!"

:D just thought of this one

(Very long pause) Wait! Please don't hang up! I want to hear what you have to say.

Like Totally,
Like Wow.
Like Im not here right now.
Leave a message at the beep,
I'll call you back,
if your not a creep.

I have a very unique voice mail message that many people have wanted me to put on there phone can you help me sell this and set up for a percentage of the cost.



Hello? Helllllo?..... I can barely hear you, speak up. Ok thats better. Ok so what did you want?.... oh thats nice, but i want you to leave you name and number after the beep. Bye!

Sorry I could not come to the phone, I either did not want to talk, or I'm just pre occupied. I will return your call when it is convenient for me

Brandy is not available to take your call as of right now. If you are family/friends, press 1. If you are someone looking to give me a job, press 2. If you are one of the multiple out-of-area code numbers that constantly insist upon calling me, even though you should know by now im never going to answer, press the end button.

Hello and thank you for calling the Starstripe Mental Hospital. If you need to reach a patient please press 1 and then say their name. If you are delusional please have either you or your monkey press 2and we will connect you to Mothership. If you have short term memory loss and you don't know who we are or why you called please press 3 and we will remind you. If you are dying... well that is not our problem and we can not do anything about it. If you want to sell us something... this number is no longer valid. Thank You for calling Starstripe Mental Hospital and have a nice day.

You have reached the voice mail box of (your name). If your a hot chick/guy, you may leave a message at the tone. If your one of (your name)'s friends, you may also leave a message at the tone. If your not hot and not one of (your name)'s friends, call back when you are

Heyyy, (pause) what??, (pause), can you repeat that??, (pause) sike im not here but u can leave me a message instead.

Hello you have reached (your name). Tom already phoned and left a message, Dick phoned and didn't leave a message, Harry phoned and left a message too. Don't be a Dick - leave a message....

well im obviously not here right now because well im probably getting really fat eating this hersey bar or well dont tell on me im not supposed to be eating candy um leave a message cause i gotta run away BYE!

Hey! Its ____. Wanna hear a joke?
Knock, knock!
Whos there?
Not me, so leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can(:

study shows that people that leave messages are usually intelligent, outgoing, friendly, and motivated, People that hang up are usually dark, depressed cynical and sometimes psychotic. Please categorize yourself at the tone.

hey, hello and how do you do?
leave a short message, and I will get back to you.

...I'll answer u next time if u give me a new car

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(say in a stern voice)

"Please deposit 25 cents for the next 3 minutes."

well im not here so you know what to do get ready here it comes *Beep* just kidding

Talk to the voicemail because (your name) don't want to talk.

Hi if your my parents I'm at church! If you my math teacher I'll give you my homework. If your that kid who stalks me FUCK OFF! if you that pretty boy down my street call me maybe! If your a low life well don't bother leaving a message *beep*

You have reached the Gestapo Speach Therapy Unit. We have ways of making you talk. Please leave your message after the slightly disguised scream at the end. You will leave your mesaage NOW!!!!!


I call u cuz u called me were the _____ family sorry we are not home leave a message at the tone.
to the tune of "i love you, you love me"
From the Childrens show Barney ( purple Dinosaur)


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